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34 Rules for Writing Well

| Posted in Humour |

1

34 Rules For Writing Well.

  1. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They’re old hat).
  2. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
  3. Always avoid annoying alliteration.
  4. Don’t use no double negatives.
  5. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
  6. One should never generalize.
  7. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
  8. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
  9. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
  10. Understatement is probably not the best way to propose earth shattering ideas.
  11. Who needs rhetorical questions?
  12. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
  13. Contractions aren’t helpful and shouldn’t be used.
  14. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
  15. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.
  16. If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a thousand times: resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
  17. Exaggeration is a million times worse than understatement.
  18. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction.
  19. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
  20. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
  21. Be more or less specific.
  22. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
  23. Also, too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
  24. No sentence fragments. No comma splices, run-ons are bad too.
  25. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
  26. The passive voice is to be ignored.
  27. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
  28. Kill all exclamation points!!!!
  29. Use the apostrophe in it’s proper place and omit it when its not needed.
  30. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”
  31. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
  32. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
  33. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
  34. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

Comments (1)

Ahh amusing writing tips with examples :D

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